A better friend

I find it hard to believe it's been over two months since Becky's passing. So many things remind me of her. I know she'd love the chillier weather we've been having this week. Even so, she'd probably keep her A/C running. She'd be busy rooting for BSU football. Nearly everywhere I go in town, I've been there with her. I miss the simple things, like wandering around Target with her, looking at everything. I was there tonight with the kids, and I thought of Becky as I consumed water from the drinking fountain. She was always grossed out by drinking fountains. I think she would have paid $10 for a bottle of water before she'd use a drinking fountain. Funny girl.

I've been thinking about the great, attentive friends I have, who offered condolences and support when they heard about Becky. I got phone calls from concerned friends and family. Others stopped by with homemade treats, flowers, and heartfelt cards. When Maria heard the news, she sent me a text asking if she could come by. She took time out of her busy day to bring me a Blizzard and talk with me for a while.

I never thought I was capable of offering comfort to a grieving friend. I've never felt confident in what I could say. I thought they didn't want me "bothering" them with my clumsy attempt at caring. I learned that every little thing someone did for me was much appreciated. Just knowing how many people reached out to me, in their own way, meant a lot. I took note of those things, and they all made me want to be a much better friend. It's true that actions speak louder than words. Any kind gesture is just as important as another. Whether it was a sympathetic phone call, a card, flowers, or a visit, they all made an impression on me.


I didn't take pictures of the cookies, Blizzard or cards, but I did manage to get a picture of these beautiful flowers. This arrangement was from the Jensens. I was given one other flower offering, a little rose plant, from the scout leaders I work with.


I'm so thankful for great friends. Ones who know just what to do to lift me up. A couple of days after I wrote that whiny blog post, I got a text from Maria. It said: "Renee and I are coming to get you tonight between 8 & 9, and you can't stop us!" I responded that I might kick and scream a little, just for fun. I was excited for them to come, but I also knew they'd make me explain what the heck was wrong with me.

The time came, and they showed up at my door like this...


I loved it!

This was a fun thing Renee and I did long ago when we were but 18, except we added more details - like fancy hair and huge lips, and we colored in the features for emphasis. Renee and I actually drove around town like this once or twice. I was at the wheel, so I think I took mine off while the car was in motion. When we stopped at a red light, Renee turned to face the lane of traffic next to us, in all her brown-bagged glory. She stared motionlessly until some guy in a truck looked over, did a double-take, smiled and shook his head in disbelief.
Those were the days!

*Back to Sept. 2011...*
We went to the new Aspen Leaf to load up on frozen yogurt, then decided to walk around the block as we ate. We had scarcely left the parking lot when Maria asked, "Soooo.... what's up?" Ha, I knew it. We walked and talked for a while. I felt silly that I'd whined so much on my blog. But I thought to myself that maybe I should do it more often if it makes my friends come kidnap me.

What they did was so thoughtful. I just hope I can be the kind of friend to them (and others) as they are to me. If it were me in their shoes that week, I probably would have talked myself out of it, thinking, oh, she's probably busy tonight... we can do something sometime soon. I'll just have to plan a time. But then the time would pass and I would feel like it was too late. So it would go undone. Just like so many times I've failed friends before. I don't wanna do that anymore. I want to be the kind of friend someone wants to have around. Who isn't just there when it's fun or convenient. But always.