Progress Report.

Day 5 of no frivolous spending:

The walls are closing in on me. I sit on my couch as one day melts into the next, rocking back and forth, alternating between wringing my hands and pulling my hair out. I can't take much more of this. Visions of clearance racks and Easter Aisles litter my brain. They beckon to me, wanting me to come sift through them and take something home with me.....

But I ignore them. I say no. I don't go there.

Okay, enough of that.

I've had no problems so far. I'm resisting the urge, although the urge is admittedly not very serious. At least not yet. I drove past Target on my way somewhere else. Without incident. If anyone saw me coming out of Ross with a shopping bag yesterday, I swear on my cupcake collection that the only thing in there was a sensible birthday gift for my mother. While inside, I averted my eyes as I made my way to the back of the store. I knew what I was there for. I found what I came to get, I got it, and vacated the premises. I didn't go over to the kids' section to see what I could find. I didn't look at the ladies' section. I didn't do it.

I didn't want to go browsing anywhere else, like I usually do. I didn't feel like shopping. I've made myself so guilty lately, and I realize that I sound like a lunatic half the time (most of the time), with all my ravings about this and that adorable thing I got. Things really aren't important. The more I get, the more I want to keep looking and getting, but it never satisfies. Then I'm left with a bunch of stuff I don't need and a dose of buyer's remorse. Almost nothing I buy is expensive individually, but it adds up.

Yes, it makes me feel happy to have things I like all around me. But is feeling happy and being happy the same? I don't know! I do know that I go in cycles. I go on little sprees, then I don't want to buy anything for a while. The next step is for me to instill a perpetual limit on my spending. I can't end this little trial period and start snatching up bargains left and right until the guilt takes over again. I do want to keep my goal, which is to not buy anything unnecessary until May. When that time is up I will decide, or have Ryan help me decide, what kind of monthly "allowance" is reasonable. And I will stick to it.

See what a good girl I am?

I have to start somewhere!