Uncertainty

It's been two years since we moved back to Boise from the one and (hopefully) only Chubbuck, Idaho. I can scarcely believe it's 2010, the year we thought we'd never meet. Four years ago Ryan was accepted into ISU's College of Pharmacy. We packed up our crap and moved our family to Chubbuck, just over the railroad tracks from Pocatello. We knew if all went as planned, his graduation would happen shortly before our 10-year wedding anniversary (on July 22nd). So we lived there for about 21 months. It was a nice change and we met people we wished we never had to move away from. :( But we're so glad they are our friends.

We made it through the school part, but things haven't changed much yet. Ryan has to take and pass the state board exam. We don't know when that will be, as he is waiting for his application to make it back from the school so he can send it on to the board. He can't choose a test date until his application has gone through. Our plans from here are up in the air. It's kind of scary. Nothing is certain. While Ryan does have a job lined up at Walgreens, he will be working as a float until they can place him at a "permanent" site. He has been working as a pharmacy tech (at an increased wage) since a week or so after he graduated. I think I will feel a little more optimistic when he has a test date scheduled. But even after he is board certified I worry that he won't get the hours he was assured he'd get. All this just means more waiting to move out of this apartment. I'm so tired of this gray carpeting...

We are debating about renting a house for a while when Ryan becomes "official" because we have no money saved for a down payment to buy a house, plus even if we could, we don't want to rush out and buy a house that would be clear across town from the store he will eventually be stationed at.

We're not loving the living situation we're in. Ten years is a long time to apartment hop. Oliver could really, really use a nice, safe, fenced yard. He likes to roam around, and that is not advisable in an apartment complex parking lot. Every day I worry about him running out in front of a car and getting crushed.

I worry about where to move, mostly for the kids' benefit. I feel sad that we've moved them around so much, from apartment to apartment. Especially since I lived in the same house from birth until I was 19. I never had to move away, and I can only think of one really good friend of mine who moved away when I was in third grade. It seems to me like people stayed in one place a lot more back then. This just makes me sad, pulling my kids away from their friends. We can try to keep in touch, but it's never really the same, or nearly as easy for everyone involved (in more ways than one), when friends move from a neighborhood.

We don't feel ready to commit to buying a house. It's a huge, scary step. I know when we moved back here, I just picked a place that participated in the "poor student housing program" and didn't give it much contemplation. I scare myself sometimes. We can't do that this time. I don't feel like I'm prepared to decide where my kids go to school and who they meet, based on which house or neighborhood we really think we want to be in. I can't make up my mind about the small things, so how am I supposed to make such a huge choice that will not only effect Ryan and me, but our kids!

We can't stay in this apartment forever. As I mentioned, we are on the "reduced rent program", and when Ryan starts getting paid when he is official, which will hopefully be next month, we want to move out because we aren't willing to pay market price for this place we don't even like. Which makes the idea of renting a house appealing to us. We keep weighing the pros and cons of renting vs. buying. Are we crazy to want to rent a house for a year while we save up a down payment and try to figure out where we want to be? It would mean another move for the kids. It sounds crazy. But then again, the girls are expecting to move sometime this summer. I think they are used to it by now. And this time should be easier because we won't be moving 3 hours away from any friends like last time. But what if we rent somewhere and the girls make great friends and then we have to move again? I guess change is inevitable. I shouldn't fret so much. The more you move, the more friends you make - right? I just know that growing up in the neighborhood I did gave me the opportunity to go to the schools I did and to meet the friends I met. Obviously. I think of how different my life would be had I not lived in that area. I can think of a few friends who have been indispensable fixtures in my life. And in the more recent past, I made lifetime friends only because I moved.

So... what to do?

Does anyone have any insight for me? What is your perspective? Is anyone even listening?