The Trouble With Facebook

(Disclaimer: I know I'm a big, incurable dork. Deal with it.)

The trouble is, I can't seem to stay away from Facebook.

I worry if I go a day without checking it, I'll miss something important. I enjoy looking at the pictures friends and family share. I care about people. I want to know what's going on in their lives. And I like to leave relevant/silly/positive comments on folks' updates. All of this obviously takes time. And anyone who's familiar with me knows I am not quick about reading and deciding how to reply.

How do I find the perfect balance of caring about what is going on in others' lives and living my own life?

If I could hire a Facebook monitor person who could check my account at the beginning and end of every day, I would like that very much. It would be so handy to have someone report to me that I really didn't miss much at all. But I'd have to get complete details about what I didn't miss. ;)

As I've said before, I don't often post things. I do comment and "like" things, but only if I honestly do like them. It bothers me that FB bombards everyone's news feed with stories of "So-and-so likes and/or commented on Whozeewhatzee's photo/post." It's all too much information, isn't it? I don't remember FB always being this invasive. It tracks every move we make. And then tells all our friends about it. Maybe it always did and I just didn't notice.

I wonder what would happen if I started calling people on the phone to tell them I liked what they put on Facebook (rather than clicking on it and causing it to appear in the news feed of complete strangers.) Or I could just wait until the next time I see them in person and bring it up then. Or maybe just send a private message about it. All would be more personal than simply clicking "like". I miss the old days when humans actually interacted face to face. ;)

Yesterday I read part of an article from an apparently popular bloggist who said there was once a FB glitch which caused personal messages to be posted publicly on walls instead of inboxes. Gasp!  I think it even said the victims were unable to see anything amiss on their own page, only other people could. Fantastic!

Just out of curiosity, my fingers jogged over to my timeline and scrolled back a few years to make sure that had not been the case on my page. Of course everything looked fine on my end, but while I was there I decided to browse through some memorable posts and comments. Some of them were funny, such as one Renee left on my wall about 4 years ago. I went ahead and clicked "like" on it so FB would notify her. What I neglected to remember is that FB would automatically place it in the current news feed. (Making me look like a weirdo. Ugh.) A few of our mutual friends commented on it to show their approval of Renee's humor. Which was great, unless Renee didn't necessarily want her smart remark to resurface, which made me seriously fret about how she views the moronic things I do.

While I was reading another thread that I had long ago been tagged in, one of the comments was a tad lengthy so I went to click on "read more". Can you guess what I clicked on instead?!  I was positively petrified to see that my fumble fingers had mistakenly "liked" someone's really old comment. And what was worse, the poor gal doesn't even know who I am. I hastily clicked "unlike!" but I'm sure flippin' FB had already notified her of my painfully delayed accolades. Why? WHY do I let myself loose on the Internet?!

After the initial HUGE rush of "clicker's remorse" tapered off, I figured it wasn't a big deal after all. No real harm was done. Unless.... Unless FB announced my "like" to everyone who either knows me or knows the person whose note it was!!!  Sheer panic ensued. Where is the "hate" button when I need it?! I could almost hear the scores of strangers and casual acquaintances collectively wondering aloud why I was reading such dreadfully ancient news on a sunny Tuesday afternoon. Well, for their information, I was making sure my personal messages were not being broadcast to the world. And I may have gotten a little sidetracked in the process. And then stupidly clicked where no one had clicked in four years. I'm only human. Like the song says, "born to make mistakes".  I always seem to make enough of them for everybody. Don't worry, people--leave all your bloopers up to me. I'm a professional. Also, give me your money; this isn't an easy job!

The worst part about this debacle was not knowing for sure if any damage was done. It's nothing like that super cool Facebook feature that tells me what time a person has seen my personal message and then chosen to ignore it. =/ So what do I do? Keep a low profile and hope nobody noticed? No. I spill it all on my blog!

There is no trace of the suspicious "like" on my end. The information is evidently only available to everyone else. The only way I'd know for sure if the coast was clear would be to ask the victim of my kamikaze "like" if the "unlike" had been successfully applied. Whaaaaa?  Or I could nonchalantly ask if she'd seen that I liked her comment. If she said no I could play it cool and say, "Darn, it must not have registered on your end." (As I run away.)

I try to think back to the days before Facebook existed. How did we (I) survive not knowing what everyone and their pet was up to every day?

I kind of envy the people who initially signed up to see what the hubbub was about, then gradually stopped logging in, and now pretty much never log in. I wonder how they had the willpower to stop. I know everyone is different and not everyone is perma-paranoid like I am. No wonder I am always so tired.

So what I think I need to do is somehow limit my FB consumption to a max of 15 total minutes a day. This will be tricky since I don't like to skim. I read at speaking speed. All I know is I need to get away from my tendency to just kind of hang out there and wait for something new to be posted. (Hey, don't call me crazy. Addictions are real no matter how silly they may be.) But since I'm currently fed up with Facebook, this could be easier than I think. I've already been refraining from commenting on stuff or leaving any clues as to what I do or do not like. I'm thinking it'll help if I fasten this quote permanently to the back of my hands :

"Better to be silent and thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt."

This is my new motivation to just hush up more often. (Starting right after I publish this humiliating post.)

So that's my goal. 15 minutes (or less) of Facebook a day. It's about time I try and harness this despicable addiction. It's a handy coincidence that I will be away from the computer this weekend while I take Jane with me to visit some friends in Chubbuck.

Wish me luck. Or don't.